Spring Vacation, where are you?

Had an awful day at school today. Since second semester started, it hasn't been too bad, but when there is a bad day, it just seems like everything goes wrong and it makes me want to leave Bulgaria and the whole thing. That's when the slightest thing, like people staring at me, drive me up the wall. It's like, leave me the hell alone. I miss the annonymity of New York all the time. But then again, I guess if you died in your apartment there, no one would ever find you. Maybe I've been watching too much Law&Order. The teachers kept changing the schedule on me today. I kept ending up in one class only to have another teacher walk in 10 minutes late (don't ask me why it's ok for teachers to be late to their classes) and tell me I had the schedule wrong, students confused and all over the place. It was just so frustrating. I hate my school sometimes.

The teachers look for every excuse to miss classes or be late, they just don't seem to care all that much about the students. So then, why should the students care? Not that they're the easiest kids to teach. I get harassed all the time by some of my 7th and 8th grade boys, they're seriously little perverts sometimes and a quarter of my kids can barely read Bulgarian, let alone English. Since the English classes have to be by grade and not by language level, it's so difficult to find a perfect medium. I mean, there are kids who want to learn and want to be there, but I feel like they're at a disadvantage already, just being at a village school compared to the kids in the bigger cities. It's just unfair for them, because there are some really bright students in my classes and I want to help them. And there are those that just want attention because they probably don't have parents at home and all the adults in their lives (including teachers) have put them on the sidelines. It's overwhelming sometimes, and I feel like I'm trying to keep them in order more than I'm actually teaching anything or making any sort of difference in their lives.

I've heard most PCVs consider ETing (early termination) during their time in-country, and it's probably not a real experience if you haven't thought of it, and I've definitely considered it. I just wonder if two years is really enough to do anything. I mean, there have been other volunteers in this town, and some people remember them. My students ask me about them once in a while. I guess after a whole generation gets in touch with volunteers, people start thinking differently and see Americans differently, and I guess that's a good thing. It just seems so abstract and far away. It's so intangible and I guess I struggle with that.

My friends here have really been my saving grace. My Bulgarian tutor, Irena, is such a great woman and I love talking with her. She's very intelligent and ambitious and a great English teacher at her school. She's not really like the other Bulgarian teachers I've met, she actually wants her kids to have fun! Danche, who works at the municipality is a sweetheart, she's probably too nice sometimes, because people tend to take advantage of her generosity. Both of them are really open-minded and love learning new things, so it's great to be around them. Danche's family is great too, I feel like they're my surrogate family here. Her father is a painter and her mother, a Russian language teacher. Ljudmil and I went to their place over the weekend. Ljudmil played chess with Danche's dad and I painted with Dani and Krsita, it was a nice relaxing weekend- I need more of those. Krista, another PCV and my sitemate, has been a lifeline. I really didn't think we'd be good friends during our time here, I wasn't excited or anything when I found out we'd be in the same town, but it's been surprisingly great and I'm so thankful for her friendship. And she's a great cook! It's nice to be wrong sometimes, and humbling. I'm just one of those people where first impressions are a big deal, and it's difficult for me to look past them, but being here has definitely changed my perception. Especially now being on the other side of that, where I'm the one that people make assumptions about before they've even met me. And well, Ljudmil of course has been incredible at helping me see the brighter side of things, he's always so damn optimistic, I don't know how he does it, especially having grown up in this country.

So with that, on a brighter note, I'm going to Greece on Saturday for Spring vacation, which is a much much needed one. I can't wait. Amy and Krista will be accompanying me to Athens and Thessaloniki. So look out for new pictures soon. And this is my cousin's new baby girl, Heidi, I had to post it because he was trying for the Kim Il-Chong Mini-me look, and it made me happy today.